Sweet, Swell Karahbelle.: McHeart Attacks Imminent.

So, lately there has been a very questionable picture popping up in my Facebook news feed. You've probably seen it: It's a McDonald's double cheeseburger with an entire McChicken in the middle, commonly referred to as the McGANGBANG. You can read about the history of this fatass of a sandwich here.

Now, most of you know that in the past I've shared a great fondness for McDonald's, most notably the Mac Sauce. Conversely, McDonald's has a way of causing me intense gastrointestinal pyrotechnics (among many other things which I will discuss in more detail later.) I can't deny that I have my fatty tendencies. (Steak N' Shake anyone?) And I'm not a hater of indulgences in moderation, maybe once a month or so.

But I have to draw the line for my dear Facebook friends when I see that they're consuming 3 or 4 of these sandwiches per week! YES. That's right. I said 3-4 PER WEEK. So, in an attempt to save my friends the headache of heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, etc, etc, etc... I've drawn up:

The case against the McGangBang: A Detailed account of everything in it and why you shouldn't eat it except for maybe once a year (if ever.)

McGangBangs come in all varieties. A Google image search will return a plethora of different combinations. Just to start things off, we'll discuss the calorie content of a standard McGangbang which consists of:

A McDouble (two hamburger patties, one slice of American cheese, pickles, ketchup, mustard, onions, toasted hamburger bun)

A McChicken (breaded breast of chicken, lettuce, mayonnaise, toasted hamburger bun.)

A McDouble Cheeseburger tops out at 440 calories, 23g of fat, 11g saturated fat, 1.5g TRANS FAT, 1150g sodium, 34g carbohydrates.

A McChicken packs 360 calories, 16g of fat, 3g saturated fat, 0g trans fat, (phew!) 830mg sodium, and 40g carbohydrates.

If these numbers sound astounding and outlandish, consult the McDonald's Nutrition Guide.

So hold on. Let me whip out my calculator...

That's a grand total of: 800 calories, 39g of fat, 14g saturated fat, 1.5g TRANS FAT, 1980mg sodium, (GAH!) and 74g carbohydrates. Let's take this moment to collectively puke...

Done? OK! Moving forward. Now, here is the RDA (Recommended Daily Allowances) for these particular nutrients.

Calories: 1500-2000. Consume a McGangBang and you've systematically destroyed half or nearly half of your allowable calorie consumption for the day!

Fat- The USDA recommends that adults age 19+ acquire 20 to 35 percent of their caloric intake from overall fat. That's about 44 to 77 grams of fat. If you're like me and like to keep your fat intake on the lean side, 39 grams is almost the entire allowance.

Saturated Fat- Saturated fats should always be eaten sparingly, usually no more than 17-20g depending on calorie consumption. This one sandwich tops out at 14g! Let's think about it this way. Saturated fats are fats that are solid at room temperature. There is a direct link between over-consumption of saturated fats and cardiovascular disease. Saturated fats are still necessary for such things as proper liver function, but capping them off at a healthy level is a good idea.

TRANS FAT- You've probably been wondering why I've capitalized trans fat this whole time. Consuming trans fat is like taking a shot gun and shooting a hole somewhere in your body. Trans fats are completely unsaturated and are directly linked to coronary heart disease. They lower good cholesterol and raise your bad cholesterol. This type of fat is usually added to processed foods to extend their shelf lives. Trans fat is the worst form of fat there is. Intake of trans fat should be kept at NIL. NOTHING. NOTTA. NONE. 1.5 grams from a McGangBang... you've just shaved two years off of your life right there.

Sodium- RDA for sodium is 2400mg per day. 1980mg is outlandish for one sandwich. What else can you eat after masticating over 3/4 of your salt intake for the day? Maybe water. Over-consumption of salt leads to HYPERTENSION (high blood pressure, in layman's terms.)

Carbohydrates- A good cap for women is about 300g per day. 375 for men. 39g may not sound too bad, but keep in mind simple and complex carbohydrates. Let's consult our friends at everydayhealth.com.

"Carbohydrates, often referred to as “carbs,” are your body's primary energy source, and they're a crucial part of any healthy diet. Carbs should never be avoided, but it is important to understand that not all carbs are alike.
Carbohydrates can be either simple (nicknamed "bad") or complex (nicknamed "good") based on their chemical makeup and what your body does with them. Complex carbohydrates, like whole grains and legumes, contain longer chains of sugar molecules; these usually take more time for the body to break down and use.
Simple carbohydrates are composed of simple-to-digest, basic sugars with little real value for your body. The higher in sugar and lower in fiber, the worse the carbohydrate is for you — remember those leading indicators when trying to figure out if a carbohydrate is good or bad."

White bread (the kind they use at McDonald's) is a simple carb. Be advised your eating 4 slices of the white variety. And don't forget that sugary ketchup! Ever wonder why McDonald's has their own ketchup packets? They have more sugar than regular ketchup! Any carbs consumed after the 300-375g cap-off are stored as fat. The body can only store so many carbohydrates in the muscles and liver.

You're probably shocked by now- never want to see or touch another McGangBang EVER. I leave you with a photo series of unique McGangBangs. Just think of how the people who consumed THESE are fairing...